Devil's Haircut

Have you ever been ready to purchase something and then when you see the total you really don’t want to purchase it but usually (not always) are too embarrassed to say, “whoa—way too much money. Never mind.” (I guess that was a question but I’m not sure how to punctuate it correctly. Here is a ? for those who care.) Like that time I had a makeover at the MAC counter and then said, “I’ll take it all.” Do you know how much that stuff costs? I was planning on it being expensive and it was for my golden birthday (31 on the 31st) but, still. Anyway, my story...

I told Dan I needed a haircut. He said, “You should use my stylist, she’s really good.” That is my current favorite quote from Dan. I asked how much she charges. He said around $25. I thought I would give it a try. Usually, I don’t like to pay much for haircuts. I’d rather pay $15 for a bad haircut than $35. But I decide to give it a try.

So I go to her and I like her even though she keeps calling me ‘my dear’ and telling me how cute and funny I am. Or maybe that is exactly why I like her. She seems to know what she is doing—and cares. She is one of those that always loved doing hair. She is not one of those dime-a-dozen beauticians. This is her passion.

My haircut is fine, nothing too special since I’m trying to grow it out to ponytail length again. But I’m satisfied. Actually, she is really good and you should go to her (then I'll get $5 off my next cut). And since I’ve hated every conditioner for the past year I thought I would go ahead and buy the professional stuff. And I might as well get shampoo too. Oh what, they are out of conditioner? I guess I’ll just take the shampoo and that leave-in conditioner she offered me. (Wait, that wasn’t my plan!) She has to ring the products up separate from the haircut. “Ok, your total for the hair products is $55.” What!!!? It isn’t even one of those big bottles. It is only 10 ounces. It is smaller than normal. But it was developed using nano technology and it is %100 vegan. The haircut was $40. And there was hardly any hair on the floor. I know this is normal for lots of people. But not me, I am a cheapskate. Then she says she wants to go ahead and schedule my next appointment. In four weeks. I go months in between haircuts. So she said we could compromise at five weeks. (But I’m totally planning on calling and moving it back more.) I really don’t want to spend $480 a year on haircuts. Why can’t my hair just be strait and easy like it was in my youth?

Yeah, so I didn’t dare tell her that this was all super outrageous for me. But when I was in a store right after, a girl peered into my bag and asked where I got my Pureology stuff. She told me it was sooo good. I said, it better be, it’s not cheap. I had no problem telling her how cheap I am. Or anyone that might read this.

Want more? I overeat at restaurants because I hate wasting food. You get to that point where if you continue to eat then it won’t be enough to warrant a doggy bag and if you take another bite then you have to finish the rest. Thank goodness I have pretty good metabolism. When I blow my nose in a tissue I fold it over, blow, fold it over twice more, blow again, repeat until all used up. If my nose is cleaned out after one blow I have a hard time throwing out the tissue. I’ll just set it by the box for next time. If my blob of shaving cream slips out of my hand I try to scrape as much as I can off the shower floor. I don’t cut crust off bread or skin off apples for my kids. I hate paying for water. And when I got home after my haircut and saw that my shampoo had leaked I wanted to jump in the shower and rub that plastic bag in my hair. It was probably 50 cents worth. But I didn’t. Because I hate to shower. But that is another topic.



p.s. Dan, you are supposed to pick up my conditioner when they get a new shipment. Take the credit card, it will almost earn us a plane ticket.